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Posts Tagged ‘questions’

9 Nov…

In Uncategorized on November 9, 2016 at 1:21 pm

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WHAT just happened?

All throughout the 2016 Presidential race, I was with her.  Never wavered… I was #imwither.  And, truth be told… being with her, meant I was 100% not with him.

Enter 9 Nov…

Heavily tuned in to watching the results be revealed, I had that feeling and I knew the imminent outcome.

That “ugly feeling” in my gut surfaced incredibly early and while I struggled to ignore… IT remained constant.

Throughout the primaries, throughout the state/city tours of the candidates, throughout the debates, throughout the media coverage and the venom written via social media platforms, throughout it all, that feeling was present… and, I knew.

So, while I had a sleepless night to begin processing the outcome of the 2016 Presidential election, my 16 year old daughter did not.

Sound sleeping for her.  But… waking up on 9 Nov, her perception of the world shifted and now, healing beings.

This morning… as she stood in her bedroom door and I stood in the door of my bedroom, my daughter Zoe asked me did “he” really win…

I told her, “unfortunately yes”…

She quickly turned into her room, walked towards her closet and then I heard a thud.
As I entered her room, she was slumped in her closet door, head down, crying…
I kneeled down and started telling her that I understand her frustration and that we will get through this and be alright… she lifted her head, face drenched with tears, looked at me and said… “what is going to happen to Zack?!”
THAT statement…. it put a jolt into my heart.
My daughter, one who is of a liberal, encompassing spirit… one who strives to see the beauty and potential in situations, she automatically associated his win with a racist revolution and now worries about Zack… her black brother.
Her black brother who is away from home, for he is a Freshman in college.  Her kind, humble, intelligent and magnetic black brother, whose brown skin  — beautiful brown skin — could now make him more of a target… simply because HE won.
WHAT just happened?
And before you think otherwise, know that this is real talk. Real concerns.  Real discomfort.  Perhaps they are not your concerns… but they are real. Real. REAL.
Unprecedented.  Unsettling.  Device.  Malicious.  Uncomfortable.
All words that can be used to describe this most recent Presidential race.
And most unfortunate are the many, many, MANY conversations that families whose skin is brown are forced to have with their loved ones… especially their children. Conversations (repeated conversations) in which the message of being resilient, maintaining an optimistic spirit, and still displaying love for one another is paramount.
But,…the results are the results.
With any election, someone must rise as the victor. The voice of the people (or those who opted to show up and VOTE) has been confirmed.
Recorded… and delivered.  Many are elated with the results.
And… many are like me… thinking, who would have thought, eh?
More than ever it is obvious… #imwithher was trumped… literally!
And, as any day does, 9 Nov continues.
As I periodically shake my head, as if I were attempting to knock away a bad thought or wake from an awful dream…
as I wipe away the sporadic tears that my mind chatter seem to make appear out of nowhere…
as the reality of America’s new First Family becomes REALITY…
the, WHAT just happened?
Well… that must be replaced with…
WHAT now?
My reality is this…
Yes.. I have a black son.  A black son whose energy is so powerful, that his texts and comments have assured me (without him even realizing) that he will be alright.
I have a caring daughter.  And her father and I have reassured her that with God, faith, family and love, WE will be alright.
I have a supportive circle of family, siblings, and friends.  Their messages to me today and the love that has been displayed… I know that we will be alright.
For all of the above, the results will be accepted… and I will move forward in a manner to be supportive of  this new leadership.
FOUR years, eh?
Four years from now, I know that I will look back and read this cleansing blog.
But next election…
Well, lemme’ just keep my mouth shut…
cuz’ we are going to be alright!
Cheers!
-k

…so fresh. So clean.

In Uncategorized on January 22, 2014 at 10:38 pm

snowDid the title prompt an immediate humming of that ever so catchy OutKast tune?

“…ain’t nobody dope as me.  I’m just so fresh, so clean. So fresh and so clean clean.”

Haha — great tune, but that’s not the reference I’m making.  I’m talkin’ snow.  Yep… snow.  A blanket of snow that has freshly fallen onto the ground.  Clean and inviting in its appearance.  Crisp and invigorating to the touch.  Snow.

Today, after he shoveled the most recent wintery gift, I asked my husband what feelings the sight of snow evoke.  His immediate response was… “Fun.”  He spoke of his childhood, being outside and playing in the snow with friends… not what I was thinking, or the response I was looking for… so I cut him off and quickly rephrased the question.  Even quicker — completely ignoring my interruption — he responds, “Fun”… and proceeds to speak of his childhood, being outside and playing in the snow with friends.  I asked… right?!

What response was I anticipating?

Something more figurative.  Something more “right-brained”… something that made reference to a fresh and clean perspective of life.  Basically I was in search of a response that provided confirmation of my own quirky and abstract thinking.  Yet, I did ask my “left-brained” husband… and his response (I should have known)  came in true form.  The expected format; logical and precise.

22 days into a new year, I intentionally refrained from creating any resolutions.  Instead, I decided (and put it out into the universe) that this year, 2014, would be comprised of baby steps.  Daily small steps in which I was always true to myself.

You know, steps like… being appreciative of my daily blessing.  Being aware of any toxic surroundings and the what/who I allow to affect my temperament.  Being completely present in “the moment”…for my children, husband and for myself.  Continuing to love my unique imperfections and the beauty of age.  Haha — and probably most important (and my mother would MOST certainly agree) is to simply sloooooooooow down and clear my plate.  With the many hats that I wear, and with my many endeavors/goals/activities… I simply need to pace myself with baby steps.  The race need not be run so quickly, for the finish line will be there… when I get there.

Trust me, all of this is MUCH easier said that done!

Believe you me, there are a plethora of “things” and “goals” that could be spewed — the list that I could create would make you (and me) dizzy.  I have aspirations with my full-time interior design career, goals for my part-time job as stella & dot stylist, photography classes to take, paintings to be painted, more blogs to be written, new books to be read, experiences/travels and trips with my family;  and let’s not forget about me continuing to fine-tune my wine palate… all while maintaining a healthy lifestyle, both with food and exercise.  WHEW!

So instead, I decided… a new method is in order.  What is that old adage about insanity?  Doing that same thing over and over and expecting different results…  Ha!  Not me this year!  I’m sticking to that other old adage… the best way to eat an elephant, is one bite at a time.

So with the snow… and the question…

With my 2014 baby steps mindset, the snow seemed to represent so much more.  The site of  an untouched snowfall (free from footprints, dirt and yellow splotches) was a visual treat.  Pure.  So fresh.  So clean.  Actually, kinda dreamy… for you could easily get lost in thought staring at the crisp white planes or slopes.  Intoxicating, eh?

Lost in thought I was.  And the “ah-ha” moment was when I made this connection.  The sheer fact that the blanket of snow that surrounded my home consisted of billions and billions and BILLIONS of tiny snowflakes… it just seemed to add confirmation that small things/baby steps absolutely matter and can make one hell of an impact!  Too deep for ya?  Perhaps…

But remember… I’m “right-brained” and an artist.  Haha — I see “meaning” in practically everything!  Now that I think about it… I might have been a wee bit hard on my husband and his snow interpretation.  Maybe his notion of “Fun” has elements of fresh and clean intertwined?!  Could be…

At any rate… tomorrow is day 23 of the new year.

My plan…

Yep, you guessed it.  Continue my baby steps.

With the hopes of making my mother proud… here is one more old adage.  As for my baby steps…

Slow and steady wins the race.

Cheers!

-k