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Archive for August, 2013|Monthly archive page

And once again, the house is quiet…

In Uncategorized on August 27, 2013 at 12:40 pm

houseThe expression that “time flies” gains more truth with year that passes.

For me, the gauge presents itself in birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, weddings and funerals… mainly because these are generally times of reflection and or times in which you see and catch-up with family/friends who are removed from your daily routine.

Times when, for better or worse, the cyclical rhythm of our lives become more visible. And we note it like a bookmark, eh? Self-assigned “life” passport stamps, proving and illustrating the old saying that “time flies” and also, that it waits for no one.

So, as time would have it, yet another cycle has come to pass. The lazy days of summer have come to a close and the hustle, hustle, bustle, bustle of back-to-school now begins.

Today, it is official.

A new school year eagerly greets my 10th grader and 8th grader… as well as my husband who teaches high school special education and coaches varsity football. Their summer break is now a memory and the 5:45am wake-up time to prepare for the school day is now reality.

Back to school! Back to our morning routine… and my routine on my days off.

Ahhhhhhhhhh! Which means for me… once again, the house is quiet.

Haha — certainly, I am not alone with my sentiments?! Show of hands…. raise them!

Keeping it real, I’m going to blame my feelings on an ever so slight (yes, EVER so slight) case of jealously. As a working mom, with a full-time profession that is unlike my husband’s, I have never experienced the joy of a summer break.

In the past, when the cycle of summer break would appear, I would grow incredibly envious of my family’s carefree days. The house was filled with constant activity, late bed-times and even later wake-ups! Hey… going to work while your family is still in the bed, enjoying their deep slumber … or knowing that they have packed and are off to some exciting day adventure — I’ll break it down into two words: NO FUN!

Don’t get me wrong now … during the summer, I’m really left out. Naturally, summer breaks afford an opportunity for a vacation, impromptu social gatherings, house guests, grilling, loud(er) music and laughing til’ the wee hours of the morning. Again, a hub of activity… and in my house, we are no strangers to such — and yes, I am an active participant! It’s just different… bittersweet knowing that the next day you go to work while they are still on break.

At any rate, it is what it is… and contrary to what it may seem, I do welcome the summer.

I’ve become more accustomed the summer break routine.

And, as time would have it (and since I’m a grown ass woman who basically had to get a grip on her feelings) instead of being OVERLY envious and focusing on what I wasn’t doing with my family, I curtailed it to a slight jealously… I decided to see the bigger picture. My children have a father who is on break with them… they are in safe loving hands… and, they are happy. Now I actually love the shift that accompanies summer… and when the new school year resurfaces, I realize how much I too adore the back-to-school routine.

Guess what?

Today, I have it back.

And while I miss my family when they are away… during my days off of work; once again, the house is quiet.

It’s me time.

Coffee time.

Blogging time.

Cleaning and redecorating time.

stella & dot time.

Anything I want to do…

Well, that is until 2:45pm… school’s out and it’s time for pick-up!

Cheers!

-k

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When is it appropriate to say…

In Uncategorized on August 2, 2013 at 2:57 pm

blog1

Anything…

and everything.

When is it appropriate to stop biting your lip and say… speak… release what is truly and authentically on your mind?

For clarification… I am speaking of those times in which, no matter how confident, self-assertive and vocal you are, there is a moment in the conversation in which you hold back and decide to swallow your words.  You decide to avoid that “something” and retain possession of your words/thoughts, and allow the person on the other end to be none the wiser.

Truth be told, I often struggle with this notion.  Surely, I am not alone.

A recent conversation with a friend forced me to seriously think about what I do and do not say.  It offered an unexpected enlightenment.  An “ah-ha” moment of sorts in which I caught myself holding back and doing that thing I sometimes do… biting my lip and refraining from speaking what was truly on my mind.  Why did I stop myself?  Hmmmm… perhaps the same reason we all do it.

The culprits could possibly be an effort to remain politically correct…. or, it could simply be we refrain out of respect for the other person… or, might it even be because of plain ol’ fear.

Fear of the consequences.  Fear of hurting someone’s feelings, assuming that the truth would be too much for the recipient.  Or… maybe even a fear of the truth that we may be trying to withhold from ourself (…pausing a minute to think about that one right there).  Inevitably, the reasons why will continue to remain numerous.  But what I know for sure is this;  in various forms and fashions, we all do it (Haha — and even if you think you don’t — YES, YOU do it too).

We hold back with our spouse, our girlfriends, boyfriends, our intimate partners, with family members, co-workers, friends and acquaintances — you name it — it happens.  The statement is on the tip of our tongue and consciously, we determine that this is the “time” that a filter is needed — and we use it.

Speaking of filters, this is possibly a learned behavior, eh?

As children, we were filterless and we spoke our minds.  That is, until that moment when an adult (who was stunned by the comments) redirected your thought and provided that lesson of what was and what wasn’t appropriate to say.  Haha — if your lessons were similar to mine, then you received a mild, yet forceful nudge to stop the words from flowing freely and then a VERY close and reprimanding, muffled lip to ear whisper.  In my case, goal accomplished, for it always made me stop in my tracks and take heed to what I was told.

But now as an adult… being a lover of words and having an insatiable appetite for conversation, I’m aware that when communicating to one another, “holding back and refraining” is generally not the norm… nor fulfilling.  The initial intentions tend to be sincere.  We open up with one another, we engage, we are genuine and we speak our minds.

But then there are those times.  Those times in which we simply hold back.  I take note of  when it happens to me and carefully monitor that action.  What is so difficult about always being true in the moment and just letting the words flow?  Easier said than done, especially with loved ones, eh?

As of late, this topic has piqued my curiosity and makes me want to solicit others to find out why.

Why, why…. why?!

When you hold back, what does that look like in your world?  But hey… perhaps you are the exception — the one who is exempt from this “hold back” club and you ALWAYS speak your mind.  Well, hell yeah — I most certainly want to hear from you!

Not trying to belabor my point or be rhetorical for that matter… for I’m truly interested in feedback.  Or at the least (no pun intended) a conversation free from refrain.

Cheers!

-k